21 RULES OF TECH METAL
1. Your band should contain at least 1 ex-member of Watchtower, or failing that, your band should be heavily influenced by Watchtower, or failing that, your band should at least live in a Watchtower.
2. There’s nothing wrong with having 5 guitarists, or multi-tracking 5 layers of guitar on your album, or cloning yourself so you can play 5 guitar parts at once.
3. No matter how weird your main band is, have a side-project that’s even weirder.
4. Your lyrics should revolve around one of the following themes:
- Metaphysics
- The structure of space
- A dark future
- The dark future of the structure of space
5. Write a concept album about the evils of technology, then digitally edit it on your laptop computer and mix it in your state-of-the-art home studio.
6. Record two guitar solos, a bass solo, a drum solo, and a keyboard solo, then layer them all together with Pro Tools and call it a song.
7. Whenever possible, your songs should include a section where the bass is doing something really impressive but completely unrelated to the rest of the music.
8. If you can’t pull off 7 time changes in 6 seconds, you’re not technical.
9. If you thought the CD was skipping the first time you listened to Meshuggah, you’re not technical.
10. Release a new album every 7 years (or never). It’s not time for a new album until people think you’ve broken up.
11. If you’re able to move around onstage while playing your songs, you’re not technical enough.
12. If people have no trouble headbanging to your songs, you’re not technical enough.
13. You were inspired to form a band because of Iron Maiden – not because of their unique style, but because of the last few seconds of their songs when they all go crazy on their instruments.
14. Engage in an argument about whether or not Meshuggah’s music contains polyrhythms, then make a reference to that argument in a pointless article.
15. When playing a diminished triad of pentacostal adagios in double time over a 37/9 beat, make sure you rotate the quasi-syncopation to coincide with the harmonic minor equinox.
16. If you didn’t understand the last rule, you’re not technical.
17. If you think you understood it, you’re full of shit and you’re not technical.
18. When writing new material, remember the three P’s: Pointlessness, Pretentiousness, and Pompousness.
19. When reading album reviews, be sure to look for adjectives such as “pointlessâ€, “pretentiousâ€, and “pompousâ€. Chances are, these will be totally awesome technical metal albums.
20. If someone tells you that tech metal is too clinical and not emotional enough, explain to them that tech metal is exciting and that excitement is an emotion, then kindly accept their apology for being such an ignoramus.
21. Name your band “Ignoramus†and tell people you play a sub-genre of math-metal called trigonometry metal. If they reply by telling you that “play a sub-genre†is like saying “perform a category†and that it’s improper grammar, tell them they are getting too technical.
Hajlajt su definitivno 3,4 i naravno kljucno pravilo 7
na svaku temu moze svako sa malo vecim smislom za humor i osjecajem za sarkazam napisati milion i jedno pravilo!!! ! ! !
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
...
